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Men

People — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 20:33:39 GMT

One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...

Matrimonios

People — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 20:32:50 GMT

El marido llega a casa y le dice a la mujer: Perdimos todo nuestro dinero en la Bolsa,
apredé a cocinar, tendremos que echar a la cocinera.
La mujer: Bueno aprendé a hacer el amor y podremos echar también al jardinero

Mama ...! / Papa ...!

People — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:49:15 GMT

¿Papá, papá? cuanto cuesta casarse?

- No tengo ni idea, hijo; todavía no he acabado de pagar las consecuencias.

- Mamá, mamá... ¿es verdad que descendemos de los monos?
- No sé, hijo... tu padre nunca quiso presentarme a su familia.

Mamá, mamá... una niña de 8 años, ¿se puede quedar embarazada?
- ¡Ay!, ¡por supuesto que no!.
- ¡Yupi! ¡¡Yupiii!!

Retirement

People — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:41:24 GMT

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"

Pepito

People — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 19:07:15 GMT

Estaban en clases, y la maestra le dice a María: dime algo que se pueda chupar María! " El dulce " muy bien María. Pedro dime algo tu! " El helado " muy bien Pedro, veamos tu Pepito! " la pijama " la pijama? Por qué? es que ayer pasaba por el cuarto de mi mamá y mi papá, y escuche a mi mamá que le decía a mi papá, !mi amor quítate la pijama, que te la voy a chupar!

Bar

People — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 19:03:12 GMT

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. "Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man. "Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want." Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie. "You grant wishes right?" "Yes." replies the genie. "Hmm, I'd like a million bucks." Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar. "Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!" His friends sitting at the table replies, "Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"

Family

People — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 21:19:08 GMT

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Machistas

People — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 21:16:39 GMT

¿En que se parece una mujer a una galleta Oreo? -En que las separas, le pasas la lengüita y luego las mojas con la leche...
¿En que se parece la mujer y la sal? En que las dos le dan gusto al huevo...

Pepito

People — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 11:38:51 GMT

Estaba Pepito en un cine observando pel ículas pornográficas y al cabo de 10 minutos de entrar Pepito sale corriendo desde el cine y un amigo le pregunta: -¿por qué saliste corriendo? y Pepito le responde: Es que mi mamá me dijo que si alguna vez veía películas de mujeres desnudas me iba a volver de piedra y ya me estoy poniendo du ro...

Bar

People — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 11:35:14 GMT

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"